Things Going Good

I am so tired these days. I am not pregnant but I am almost always sleeping....what is wrong with me??? Anyways, things are going wonderful with the Alli. I have been forced for the most part to eat within my calorie and fat limit of 1400 calories and 48 grams of fat because I am afraid of the treatment effects which I have not yet experienced thankfully. I cannot wait to step on the scale. As of right now, my first goal is to lose 8 pounds which will take me to 150 and I hope to reach this goal by the end of the month....is that pushing it?
Lately eating healthy has been so difficult for me....I recall my first time writing on this blog and by now I should have been skinny if I had been eating healthier. Lord knows I have tried but always feel through. Well, this time I believe that it is different because of a few experiences I had a few days ago. I will share and hope it is in no way offensive to anyone who reads it. I was sittikng in the salon chair Saturday and realized I was much bigger than my mom who has already had 10 children!!! I felt embarrassed. Added to this, I had taken off my clothes Sunday and realized that I had a whole heap of cellulite in my thighs and spider veins (or are they stretch marks) seemed to be coming. Then to put the icing on that cake, I had a nice protruding belly coming on, so big that I could not see my toes!!!!! I am ashamed to be naked. Sometimes I feel intimidated when my fiancee looks at me and cry inside. So what I now do is use these mental pictures throughout the day. I simply think about the cellulite, the belly and the aging this weight has put on me so that I wont deter from healthy eating.

I will be back tomorrow to talk about my day. Until then...toodles!!

I Purchased Alli Pills

I recently purchased the fat blocker, Alli. I am in desperate need of weight loss help. In a photo I took recently I realized that my body is a mess an is increasingly getting bigger I am just so tired of looking like this. But what sense oes it make talking and not doing anything about it right?? Well I will start taking the pill tomorrow and I am hoping that all goes well.

I Will Make it work for me

I have realized that I have great difficulties losing weight, eating healthy, getting in my exercise. I have to do what works for me. So today, I started off with just doing my own thing. I had Bran Flakes and fat free milk for breakfast with an orange. Fo a snack at about ten I had a Jamaican Beef Pattie and Apple Juice and at about 3 pm I had a salad and fish burger. It has held my stomach and so far I think I made okay choice without badgering my self for not getting in this or that. I will take this one step at a time watching and observing what is it that I eat and what I can possibly change. By Deceember 18th I want to lose 9 lbs, that would put me at 145 lbs. Is that possible people??? I will make it possible. I am thinking about purchasing alli to help me along the way and maybe doing colon hydrotyherapy as a cleanser.

Well I did go back for my costume today and I must say that it is not me that made the costume not fit, its the manufacturers of the costume. I exchanged my large (12-14) for another costume- a witch still because they were running out of everything. But this new orange and black polka dot get up was also a whole new size!!! Not a large or a medium but a SMALL!!!! I am convinced the costumes are made weirdly......A SMALL!!! I insisted that the store clerks allowed me to try it on and I looked even more stunning in it than i did in the purple and black junk. I cant wait for tomorrow.

Halloween Weekend.....I hate Celebrations at times

Okay, tomorrow starts a new week. I have been doing terrible these past few days and yes I have gained......I understand that this is because of my lack of journaling and proper eating but I won't accept it.....I should and I will do way better. Every minute of each day is a chance to try again.

However, it will be so difficult this weekend with halloween right here...I am going to a halloween party (for the first time in my life by the way)!!!! There will be sweets and alcohol and more alcohol. Don't take me wrong I am no alcoholic but I tend to consume three to four cocktails and well it makes me 'tipsy' not drunk just a little inebriated. Added to that, alcohol is EMPTY CALORIES!!!! Whats the sense in consuming a bunch of empty calories??? So my plan is to cut my regular three-four to two cocktails.....I really would need help in sticking with this. Candies and icecream (especially DQ Blizzards) are my weakness and I know that there wil be lots of this junk at the party too. Anyone have any tips in this regard??

While we are speaking about Halloween let me go on to talk about my search for a costume today. Living in The Bahamas, costumes are so not cheap. There were alot of costumes at the store, the cheapest and most boring one being the nun costume at $25.00. I refused to choose that costume because it wasnt sexy....anyway there were others like playboy bunnies, nurses and cheerleaders, sorcerors and more. which ranged from $35 to $80. I didnt choose the cheerleader because it was so skimpy and my stomach would be showing...that will not be pleasant for me nor the onlookers. So I opted for a sexy witch costume...purple and black. It was a large which fits size 12-14 and although I normally wear a 10 ( i think) i bought it anyway. I was sooooooooooo anxious to get home and try it on. When I got home my mom was shocked to see that i had a Halloween costume because we were never raised to participate in the holiday because it for the most part is viewed as pagan and demonic in The Bahamas. Well to hell with them, I kno that I am not a devil worshipper, I just want to participate because its fun and its not worshipping any devil or stuff like that. Nonetheless, I asked her to help me strap on the costume, lacing up the corset etc etc.....boy was that a hard job. Putting on the costume ended up being an hilarious event for my mom and sister because BAM the size 12/14 costume does not fit!!!! I was squeezed into the thing and ity seemed as if I would past out if i didnt get some breathing room, my breast looked like large helium balloons and thats not sexy on my short figure. I was laughing with them but deep inside I was soooooooooooooo upset and sad that I got to this point at the age of 23.....I am gaining weight so quickly that I am now comfortably fitting into my mother's clothing.....HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPP some body!!! Dramatic I know, but i am just in awe of the damage I have been doing to my body. But one day at a time.....i will be back tmro to update u on how my day will go tmro after I exchange the costume....to a pirate this time. I hope the store accepts it.

WHOOOAAA!!

What a shocker!!!! I never realized it until now!!!! I have gained so much weight without paying attention, I can no longer see my private part and that is terrible!!!! I never dreamed of that happening to me and it is a serious wakeup call. Well besides all that I took my measurements and also went on the scale today. I now weigh 155.2 lbs which is terrible for my 5 ft height. I know losing weight is hard but I am determined to reach my short term goal of 10% weight loss which will place me to 139 lb. I now know that this won't happen overnight. My problem was that I expected sudden changes so soon and when it didnt happen, I beat myself up for it. But I won't this time. I am willing to make small changes, gradually making it my lifestyle. “It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.”

Starting Over

After an almost two months hiatus, an open excision biopsy and a month of from work because of it.....I have gained tons of weight. I have been MIA for so long. Lost motivation, lost focus and began making excuses. Anyway after all of this I am at my new highest weight ever as I am nearly 160lbs (I was shocked, almost fainted). I will post the exact weight tomorrow as I will get on the scale tomorrow morning. I just can't keep falling if the wagon like this and so often. I am the type of person that needs support and encouragement from others. I dont really get it at home or from my friends which is why I initially started blogging...I know that somewhere I ned to find my own motivation and encouragement but boy is it rough.

Back at work, they have started an exercise program and because I have no money to really go to the gym I will be attending those classes. There is Taebo, Circuit training and more. My boyfriend has said that he will help me in any way possible by going walking with me in the mornings and in the afternoons if he does not have to work. I hate getting up in the morning but I will give it a try. I know that I have a major goal but I will take this journey in stride, one step at a time by having monthly goals.

To all weight loss bloggers out there, let us support each other. I need that support, I need to be health and I most definitley need to lose this weight.

Falling off the wagon DRASTICALLY

Well it has been many weeks since I have blogged. And I do apologize for that but my prime reason for blogging today is so that I can get alot of my mind. I think about weight loss so much that it upsets especially considering I have still not left my starting weight that much behind. I took a personality quiz in relation to weight loss and based on my responses, i am a persistent procrastinator. I talk about weight loss often but procrastinate as it relates to exercise and the scales. In the past almost ten weeks since attending meetings I have not lost a significant amount of weight, probably only one pound and that is sad. I am in no way blaming the program because I know what Weight Watchers can do if you follow the program...however, that has been my problem- following the program. HOw can someone be a Weight Watchers member for ten weeks and only lose one pound? thats ridiculous!!! I have been saying all year that this year I will make it to my goal weight but gee, at this rate and only being a talker without action, I will get nowhere. What can I do to give myself a nudge?

I saw a woman whom I met when I initially started Weight Watchers three years back and she is now a leader and she looks wonderful. I am happy fo her but at the same time so jealous of her ability to work hard and of her success. Well I just wanted to clear my mind a bit about the weight loss journey.

Goodnight